It’s Rarely About Drinking: What’s Really Going On Underneath
Those of us who have children, especially teenagers or grown-up ones, already know this truth. What they show us is rarely what’s really going on. We learn to look past the behaviour and ask, What’s underneath? What’s the fear, the need, the thing that can’t quite be said?
But how often do we use that same skill with ourselves?
Before we pour a drink, or scroll, or say yes again, do we ever stop and ask, What’s going on for me right now? What’s sitting underneath this urge to reach, to fix, to disappear for a bit?
There’s always a moment just before — the tiny pause before the habit takes over. Most of us don’t even notice it anymore, and that’s what goes missing first: the space where we can still hear ourselves.
When I was drinking more than I wanted, I thought I just needed more discipline. What I really needed was to sit with the uncomfortableness of my own need without disappearing into the habit, so that I could hear myself.
That’s one of the most helpful lessons I’ve learnt about changing drinking patterns: you can’t change what you can’t hear.
So here’s the question:
What would it be like to sit quietly, just long enough to hear what you actually need before you reach for something to fill the gap?