I hope that by sharing my journey with alcohol you’ll find something that resonates with you.
I want you to feel inspired to get honest with yourself, take action and take back control.
This is my story…
Alcohol had been my trusted companion most of my adult life.
First as a playmate…
I was the original dancing queen
The pure energy in the room
The glamorous risk taker
It made me laugh when I was crying inside. I’d been lost and found so many times, it was an in-joke amongst my friends.
I couldn’t tell them how lost I really was.
I was too ashamed.
Later alcohol was my confident …
It helped dull the intensity of past demons that would sit on my chest at 3am, grinning at my pain.
Alcohol had been there when there were no more tears to spill.
Wrapping me in its belly-warming blanket until the numbness felt safe and comforting. Especially on the nights where shame had me playing rock, paper, scissors to live or die.
I grew up a little and got into adulting, in and out of jobs.
Becoming a mother steadied my boat.
Distracted for a while, in the parenting trenches.
But like an abusive lover, alcohol would seduce me and tell me lies…
‘You need to relax’.
‘You’ve had a hard day’.
‘You deserve a treat’.
…and there was always a reason to go back.
Never as bad as the early days.
I had responsibilities now, I had beautiful children, a fantastic husband, a sensible job.
I had it all
Didn’t I?
I didn’t want to burn everything I’d built to the ground.
So, I tried to put alcohol on ice for a bit.
I thought that I’d taught myself how to moderate. To drink in a way that was socially acceptable.
But I resented its pull.
I resented its bullying tactics.
I resented its sneaky control, its promise of ‘it will be ok’.
It wasn’t ok, far from it.
Alcohol was still my ‘go to’, whenever life got demanding.
When the stressors flooded in the bottles came out.
I was using alcohol daily to drown out difficult emotions, just to get some peace.
I’m not talking about half a bottle of whiskey to get to work, but I am talking about a bottle of wine to get some sleep.
I felt confused.
I’d spent hours sat across from a wise therapist making peace with past traumas. But I was still getting hijacked by feelings of self- judgement, failure and rejection.
Then one day, I’d literally had a gutful.
This has to stop.
That moment of honesty saved my life. I was ready to take action to turn my life around.
So…
When you tell me you’re using alcohol to cope, what you’re really saying is that you’re struggling to manage stress, overwhelm, and emotional pain.
I hear you.
I understand.
I’ve been where you are—trapped in the cycle, searching for a way out.
There is a way out.
And now?
Well, my life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. It continues to challenge, delight, and annoy.
My demons are always there, waiting in the wings. They’re quite partial to a bit of limelight.
But now I have systems in place to keep them where they belong…
…backstage.
I’m much more in tune with who I am and what I need.
I will always carry my scars.
The past can’t be changed.
But I’ve come to love my scars, because they have made me who I am today.
So I’m going to say it again because this is an important moment for you.
There is a way out.
I’ve walked the path myself and I can help you find yours.
I’m here to help.
Book a call today.
Let’s get you started.
Illustrations by Buckthorne