The placeholder for connection
I was talking this through with a client this week.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
We all say it without even thinking. But the truth is, it shuts the door. It stops us from being a bit vulnerable, from saying what’s really going on.
And when we do that, we miss the chance to connect.
So instead of opening up, we fill the emptiness with habits that take the edge off. Drinking is the obvious one.
It slides in as a stand-in for connection.
But a stand-in isn’t the same as the real thing.
You can be in a relationship, you can have friends, you can be in a noisy, crowded room, and still feel desperately lonely.
And when drinking becomes a regular pattern, most evenings, by yourself or with a partner, it doesn’t just fail to connect you, it steals connection.
It puts you in a bubble, cut off from the people you most want to feel close to.
The truth is, connection takes effort. I’m as guilty as anyone.
It takes me a while sometimes to notice that I’m feeling a bit off, unsettled, and then I realise it’s because I’ve been stuck in my lane too long.
Too buried in work. Too busy to reach out.
But when we do reach out, when we make time for real conversations where we can bring something, give support, and receive it back, that’s what steadies us. That’s what actually fills the gap.
👉 This week’s quick question
Where in your life can you make more space for real connection?
